Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We are two peas in an std pod
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
