i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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