i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
