I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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