it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize