i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
