The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
