How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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