You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
