found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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