I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
