since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
