Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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