shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
