I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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