the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
