Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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