I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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