Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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