Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
