k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
