I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
