Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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