Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
