I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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