Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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