Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I FOUND THE LEGS
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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