hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
