got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
