note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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