What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
