Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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