And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
