You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
