Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Houston, we have a blender
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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