I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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