tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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