You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
