I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
