they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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