She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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