I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
