Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
