We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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