i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
