mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
