Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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