Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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