Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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