you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
