ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
