the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You made out with two different species that night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
