What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
