Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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