If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize