Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You were trust falling into bushes
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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