I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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