We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
