I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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