I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
