HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.