What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When did we convert life to cartoon?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.