ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
there was a trapeze. enough said
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I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night