new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's allergic to latex.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that