I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
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his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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