90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dear god my vagina.
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