We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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