I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
